Tempting the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing

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Distraction, s'il vous plait?
beautiful like a rainbow tina cohen-chan
Stolen from Petra:

I have a list of 15 characters. Please propose scenarios in the style of: "1 and 5 bake bread together. Does the kitchen survive?"


"3, 7, and 9 wake up married. Does the universe survive? What does 10 think?"

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Would 3 and 7 pass the broccoli test?

Rodrigo Borgia and Aaron Hotchner would not pass the broccoli test.

Rodrigo has People to buy his broccoli for him, and when he doesn't know he actually wants broccoli, he spends all day sending minions to the markets for green vegetables, then pretends he wanted spinach. Vannozza tricks him into coming home to the villa, and has broccoli ready the day after he's given it up.

Hotch is the Buyer of Broccoli for his entire team, and knows that you have to sneak it into Morgan's lunch, endure a lecture on vitamin B deficiencies from Reid, smother it in cheese for Jack (for obvious reasons) and Emily (remarkably similar reasons), remember that Garcia likes cauliflower instead, give JJ enough time to get to the store to buy her own broccoli, and finally, Hotch gets home, and realizes he forgot his own broccoli. This is what he has Rossi for, who's already making dinner.

If they somehow tried to buy broccoli together, Rodrigo would get lost in the dairy aisle and Hotch would have to talk the store out of having him arrested.

3&6 win big at the slots in Reno. What do they do with their winnings?

Rodrigo Borgia and Jim Keats are big fans of each other. Jim really does appreciate the depths of depravity to which Rodrigo is capable of sinking while still maintaining he is a good and Christian man (hello, Pope!). Rodrigo is amused by the endless workings of Jim's brain, and how innocent and unassuming he looks when he's actually rigging the entire damn cosmic game.

They blow it on hookers and booze, naturally.

9 is walking home late at night when they find 15 passed out in the gutter. What do they do about the situation?

9 (Dave Rossi) is walking home late at night when they find 15 (Mycroft Holmes) passed out in the gutter. What do they do about the situation?

This is actually how Dave Rossi met Mycroft Holmes. Dave was in London on a book tour, and went on a pub crawl with an old friend from Scotland Yard (there's no way Lestrade should still be an inspector, but the man has had worse luck with married life than even Dave has, and okay, fine, he's needed in CID). Dave and Greg were standing in an alley, smoking cigarettes (Greg) and cigars (Dave), when they hear gunshots. They go running to find a tall guy in an impeccable suit with a bullet in his shoulder. He remains coherent enough to compliment Dave's taste in shoes and cigars, remind him he needs to call his sister, and scold him for mistaking Brioni for Westwood.

Dave formally meets the guy later, when he's being presented with an award for special services to the British Empire. He doesn't know what Mycroft Holmes actually does, but he doesn't mind the living embodiment of the British Government owing him one. At the very least, the case of cigars he finds in his home two days later is very much appreciated.

Edited at 2012-04-28 05:53 pm (UTC)

6 and 12 are planning their revenge for something that happened to 8. Do they succeed?

6 (Jim Keats) and 12 (Shawn Michaels) are planning their revenge for something that happened to 8 (Vannozza dei Cattanei). Do they succeed?

Well, considering what Keats actually is, I think Shawn is seeking revenge ON Keats for something he did to Vannozza. But Keats's entire being itches to be around Shawn, all that soul-deep corruption buried and wiped surface-clean by religion. It would infuriate him; the infection is still there, you can't just slap the bandage of faith and piety onto it and pretend it's okay.

Shawn would feel the need to defend Vannozza's honor, even though she thinks the concept is laughable. It's a sweet gesture, and they have a lovely heartfelt conversation wherein he attempts to explain redemption and temptation, and she tries to explain that it's still possible to be a sinner and a good person. She also didn't feel that Keats's conduct was all that unforgivable - he didn't do anything to her that someone else hasn't already done, and she can take care of herself. At her say-so, either Rodrigo or Cesare will cut Keats's head off.

Edited at 2012-04-28 05:51 pm (UTC)

(Deleted comment)
5 (Triple H) and 10 (Alex Drake) go on vacation. 15 (Mycroft Holmes) crashes the party. Where do they go, and what happens when 15 shows up?

Hunter fell head-over-heels for Alex ten years ago while in London for a show; can you blame him? She has legs up to here and she's Amazon-tall, and she carries a gun. She usually doesn't go for the muscleheads, but he makes her laugh and can sling her around like she weighs nothing. She's not in danger of breaking him, at any rate, which is nice, considering Peter always complained about the bruises.

He talks her into going to Miami with him; she's always wanted to see the States, he's performing there for a long weekend, and she's never even *tried* Cuban food. On a night out - wherein she drinks 3/4ths of his buddies under the table - their night is interrupted by an annoying shithead in a three-piece suit talking about wanting her to join MI6. She laughs, throws a drink in his face, and has the bouncers throw him out.

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